Our 'invisible' vice-chancellor

Leading members of the university reacted with surprise to last week's news that our vice-chancellor currently occupies bottom position in a newly compiled table of the public profile of university heads.

Not only did he have no online impact at all, but he also went completely unrecognised in a subsidiary test that asked members of Universities UK to identify photographs of serving vice-chancellors.

However, speaking on behalf of the vice-chancellor, who is currently on a fact-finding mission in Marrakesh, Jamie Targett, Director of Corporate Affairs, claimed that the vice-chancellor's total public anonymity could be seen as a testament to the amount of time he devoted to Poppleton University. He told our reporter Keith Ponting (29) that "we are lucky to have someone in charge who is more interested in the day-to-day affairs of the university going forward than in attracting the type of vulgar publicity we typically associate with Britney Spears and that one with the big hair who takes all the drugs".

The vice-chancellor's personal assistant, Mrs Dilworth, also reacted with surprise to the news. "I have no difficulty at all recognising the vice-chancellor," she told our reporter. "There are the odd occasions when I forget his face, but I can always tell when he's around because of the distinctive monogram on his suitcase."

New Appointments

A big Poppleton welcome to Doctor T.B.Burlap, who has been appointed to the Department of Theoretical Physics as from next Wednesday afternoon. Doctor Burlap's current research is into the stability theory of synchronised motion in coupled-oscillator systems, and his appointment in the first instance will be for four weeks with the possibility of extension for another fortnight subject to satisfactory reports.

In the Media

Last Thursday, Professor G. Lapping of our Department of Media and Cultural Studies made a typically forceful contribution to a debate about "feral youth" on Poppleton Radio's discussion programme Something to Shout About. On the whole, taking everything else into consideration, he was inclined to blame parents.

Personal Development Seminar

Owing to unforeseen circumstances, it has been necessary to cancel next week's seminar in the six-part therapeutic series on Re-Birthing. The seminar will now take place on Wednesday March 2 and attendees should therefore wait patiently in the womb until that date.

Obituary

We were saddened to learn of the sudden death by asphyxiation of Professor L.E.G. Watling, formerly of our Department of Palaeontology for Business. "Leg-over", as he was affectionately known to colleagues and friends, retired from Poppleton last year at the age of 56 and has since that time devoted himself to internet pursuits. He leaves a wife, two children and a small collection of women's clothing.

In the Media

Last Thursday, Professor G. Lapping of our Department of Media and Cultural Studies made a typically forceful contribution to a debate about "feral youth" on Poppleton _Radio's discussion programme Something to Shout About. On the whole, taking everything else into consideration, he was inclined to blame parents.

Personal Development Seminar

Owing to unforeseen circumstances, it has been necessary to cancel next week's seminar in the six-part therapeutic series on Re-Birthing. The seminar will now take place on Wednesday March 2 and attendees should therefore wait patiently in the womb until that date.

Thought for the Week

(contributed by Jennifer Doubleday, Head of Personal Development) "If at first you don't succeed - try management."