University-inspired cocktails are toast of academia

Unable to visit his local bar in the early weeks of the pandemic, Philipp Stelzel decided to create his own “Quarantini” cocktail.

That spin on the martini led the historian of post-war Germany to post more recipes online, this time inspired by lockdown-era academia, including the “Cancelled Conference” and the “Remote Instructor”, to the delight of scholars across the world.

“I started because I was bored, but continued because it seemed to bring joy to people in my profession,” recalled Dr Stelzel, associate professor of history at Pittsburgh’s Duquesne University, whose debut book of cocktails inspired by academic life, The Faculty Lounge, will be published by Indiana University Press this autumn.

Three years on from the pandemic, his recipes are now focused on other elements of modern academia, with each drink offering wry commentary on the frustrations of being a researcher. “It’s not a cocktail book written by a mixologist – it’s more of a satire on academia,” Dr Stelzel told Times Higher Education.

“The Dissertation Committee”, a rum-based recipe recommended for graduate students, contains five different types of juice, of which “you’ll only be able to get hold of four at any one time”. Other concoctions include a “Library Fine” mocktail – liquor-free due to the meagre stipends of graduates – and “The Classmate Who Hasn’t Read but Talks Anyway”.

For more established academics, Dr Stelzel recommends the “Annual Self-Evaluation” – to be enjoyed “after you have mastered your brand-new online portal” – “The Reply All Email” or the “University Rebranding Strategy”, of which at least two might be needed “after enduring a meeting filled with business jargon”.

A section of cocktails devoted to teaching and grading includes the “Dear Ms Smith” cocktail – for the academic exasperated by a student omitting her title – and “The Plagiarist”, a recipe that looks suspiciously like a Manhattan, although a key ingredient has been replaced.

One of Dr Stelzel’s favourites is the “Forty-Minute Conference Paper”, part of a section inspired by academic conferences, which also features the “Question That is More of a Comment”, the “8am Panel” and the espresso-infused “Sunday Morning Slot”.

Having shared many of his recipes on social media, Dr Stelzel said he was glad that scholars were appreciating the gentle humour behind the new recipes, which also include the “Presidential Platitude”, the “Pontificating Provost” and drinks inspired by academic luminaries including Marie Curie, Max Weber and Judith Butler.

With his new-found fame, Dr Stelzel has been asked to host cocktail hours at academic conferences and said he hoped his book would help to rekindle some of the academic camaraderie lost since the pandemic. “I hope it has this effect – part of the fun of writing this book was the positive feedback from colleagues and interacting with those people I hadn’t met before,” he said.

jack.grove@timeshighereducation.com

Make your own Faculty Lounge cocktails

Question That Is More of a Comment

2oz gin
2oz Concord grape juice
1oz fresh lemon juice
Splash of simple syrup
Lemon twist

Combine gin, Concord grape juice, lemon juice and syrup in a mixing glass with ice. Stir and serve up with a lemon twist.

Enjoy, and respond with a smile.

The Senior Vice-President for Unspecified Administrative Excellence

1oz vodka
1oz Cointreau
4-5oz champagne

Combine vodka and Cointreau in a mixing glass with ice. Stir. Strain into a coupe glass and top off with champagne.

Enjoy as you contemplate how many perfectly decent cocktails you could have bought for the price of the champagne.

Reprinted with permission from The Faculty Lounge: A Cocktail Guide for Academics, by Philipp Stelzel (Indiana University Press), which will be published in September 2023.